Sunday, April 30, 2006
After watching yet another show with touching ending.
I somewhat recall the time when ling er parents ask me to marry her.
I was ready then, very ready mentally but monetary wise I pretty much in the sinkhole.
I could only say no. It is not that I am not willing, neither is it because of my friends' pressure but more of I cannot provide her with whatever she might want. She might be happy just being with me, although she have to live frugally. But I being a MCP, still demanded to give her the best and I had yet to reach there yet.
Thinking back, I really wonder if then I had proposed to her, would things be better now? Would I have treasured her more? I really miss her I guess, when I saw the guy propose to the gal, my hearts do 2 reverse samersault and the first thing I remember is I am thinking of her.
Anemsia is gonna kill me soon, I hope she is thinking of me now unable to sleep just like me. But I hate to see that she suffer because of me. Sigh nothing much I can do I supposed.
5:41 AM
Saturday, April 29, 2006
There I am typing away at my programming project, totally engrossed and unaware of my surrounding. Just at the critical point of decision making. My mom walked into my room and said "Boy, why did you not open the door for the ger looking for you outside our house?"
"Huh?", I thought what ger, I was not expecting any guest at all. "Yeah, she is so shy now she hiding just down the staircase. Go fetch her now, u numbskull!" My mom nagged at me.
"???? This is weird, my mom must be kidding me. Or did she just arranged me to meet someone afraid that I will never get a girlfriend again after the last?" I thought.
So I drag my lazy ass out of the room and found her. Nerdy looking hair to about neck length, I could not remember who she is. I was quite puzzled but hell I always forget things especially names. So I invited her in. With a shy voice, she said I am snow. I was like huh? Snow is not that my best friend's nick online?
Think again, I thought hey maybe I was fantasizing while asleep, just before i can get my thought right. She ran towards and hug me tightly while crying. She said she miss me a lot ever since she left me. At that point, I was like what the hell is happening. But as I hug her back, I remember figment of images. Her pressence, her fragrance from the body. I remember her as ling er.
Once my beloved one that I hurt so badly, that she left me. Sigh, I cannot believe she is back but she feel so real. Definitely she looks thinner now and definitely more fragile. But somehow her looks change but she feels the same to me.
She told me how much she want to come back to me and ask me not to do it again. Obviously I gladly agree. Hug and kisses come along as I recalled the many beautiful memories I have with her. As fast as she came, it is as fast as she goes. The next moment, she scream at me, saying I did it again and why she trusted me. I always in a total confusion as I did nothing at all. She turn around and left.
Next I awake from my dream at 3am in the morning. Sigh, looks like I really miss her a lot.
2:04 AM