Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Is it wrong to be good? Or just too much vitamin C can kill?
Most people have problem seeing far. Often they see the gain in the short term and jump into the bandwagon. See the dot com burst? Enron? Yeah, they are good example. But have anyone thought that seeing far is just as bad?
I am one good example. My sharp judgement and far sightedness have proven me to be a worthwhile leader and a good businessman. But I am just the same when it comes to love life, I judge things fast and sharp, go into it just about the same way. My far sightedness just let me preempt way too much things.
She always have something important to tell me, I will always say later baby, I need to study hard for my future, our future. When studies are done, I will say later baby, I need to work hard for my future, our future. All I see is future, but present she was never happy. I do not know, for all I know is future is at stake, but what future would it be if she is already gone? No future at all, at then I blame her, why is she so short sighted. Why do she wants everything to be short term?
Is she not serious with me? Just want a short term and be it? I did not trust her, I thought she had another love. I was wrong very wrong. From the start she wanted to be with me forever since 5 years ago. All I know then is, I wanna to excel like no body does it before. I wanna to control everything and everyone, I nearly did but I chose to gave up because of something that happens then which I do not want to speak of.
She yearn for me years after years and finally on the fifth, I finally saw who really like me. So I thought hell I will give it a try even it is a gamble. Swift and sharp i am, it does not take long for me to be with her but her happiness was pretty short lived.
Although, she had seen me well in the past and pretty much know I am demanding and I psycho perfectionist but she did not know that what I demand of myself is also what I demand for others. But often I only demand 80% of what I can do but not many can keep up with what I wanted. She told herself that I will change, she told herself I have my reason for all that. I cared for her and etc. She waited and waited.
I never woke up from my dream, my dream to build a perfect world. She was chosen because she is near perfect but still not perfect yet. But I finally found out the reason why she is not perfect is because the flaw in her is me. I am too into perfectness that brings pain and unhappiness to people around me.
It is still the same till these day, my colleague are all suffering under me. Many call me casanova or prince charming but little did I know to date. I have another name, heartless. They call me that because I work like robot with no emotion and needs. I do not stop to rest and neither do I take a break to catch my breathe.
Now we know why they say businessman are all heartless, maybe that is why? It is only when emotion is not involved then can one be sharp and swift with no hesistation.
It is now that I realized what I wanted was not the twin tower I built myself or the business empire that people look upon. But rather it is ur attention and ur love, I can say this, I can give up all I have now to roam the world with you as a nomad.
See you in my dream tonight.
9:46 PM
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