Monday, June 19, 2006
Learn to trust is a pretty hard thing for me to do. Probably why my ex seems to emphasis a lot on that. But seriously I do not believe in such thing as guy friends for a girl. Why?
Well let see, a girl tend to be a sensitive creature that think a lot and beside that they actually have the greatest memory on earth while dating. So what could have went wrong? Just imagine during a romantic movie with another guy and she or he accidentely touched each other hand? Nothing wrong? Maybe at first look but when quarrel happen in relationship, she will be reminded of that touch that let her waver. The gentle touch she seek for, that she probably get from you but because of the quarrel she think likewise.
Not a rocket science right? But in all fairness, I on the guy side also side step all my female friends. It seems unhealthy, I mean when we finally break up, I will be like opps where is all my friend kind of thing. But still I never regretted, for the memory she gave me is very much enough to cover up whatever I lost and had to rebuilt. Personally me as a friend I also understand why those attached female friends cannot keep in contact with me, I also never put any blame on them as fair weather friend. I understand and when they finally broke up, I can still be their friend to help by their side again.
I mean is not what friends are for? To put aside all difference and accept the person totally? No that is not what relationship are for, it is different. For relationship, it is recognise the differences and start loving them.
Like her, she loves to dress in bohemia style and I more into european classy style and yet bold. It is total conflict at one view. But in a bigger picture we are love to side step main stream popularity. It is also within this relationship I recognise the beauty in a new form of dressing and slowly gain acceptance.
Another major breakthrough is probably parents' involvement in the relationship. For me I always think it is a 2 person affair, the rest are just outsider and for her, it is more of a family issue. Bicker bicker bicker. Nothing was ever resolved, but slowly and gradually I put off my once absurd and yet unique thinking, no one is worth my respect just because they are old or else even old aged killer and rapist shall be respected. Then I realized something, it is not old age that really matters but the very fact that they can live till old age toughing through the time to bring up kids and maintain the husband and wife relationship that we must respect.
Breakup and suicide are so common nowadays, it really awaken me to view things in a totally different aspect. Maybe that is what people say by people grow up over the time, it is when we see things and feel things that we actually reach realization or enlightenment.
No matter what, it is hard for me to trust people. Past had shown me one thing, you are kind to people, people will just take whatever you offer them and run off. Project ideas worth millions of dollars got snatched away and claimed as theirs. Friends trying to steal my girl friend from under my nose and still got the cheek to pretend to be my friend. Friends who I gave all my generousity to, came back with a smile and a dagger in my back.
Even at times, when I loan out hundreds of dollars to my best friend with no question asked. Gave up my favourite girl I yearn for, just because I treasure my best friend so much. If there is not a thank in return, so be it. What I do not get is, why must he return to stab me? Or was all this a challenge? To befriend and betray me? To destroy my life is their ultimate aim?
I not really sure.
My quote:
"Apparently, everything is my fault. Somehow everything is associated with me, from the teacher getting pregnant to sky falling. I swear one day they will say the birth of christ is because to counteract me."
8:46 PM
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